What are some of those payoffs that could be standing healing? Does not everyone really want to get well? Why would someone willingly choose to remain sick? Why do some people heal, while others do not?
People who are unable to express their thoughts and emotions actually create an internal biochemistry that supports disease. But why would anyone choose to be sick? Are there justifiable reasons for being sick?
There are many benefits or 'payoffs' for being sick. Some people use illness if they are unable to get their needs met, if they are unable to ask for attention, affection, recognition or love.
It's now proven by science that every good feeling thinking releases good feeling neurotransmitters, where as negative emotions create havoc on your immune system. The toxicity increases exponentially when those emotions are suppressed, repressed or denied. Our body literally communicates what we are not able to verbalize.
Many people have associated self-expression with trauma. They may have been bullied for speaking their truth when they were young. Their opinions may have been ignored, disregarded, or belittled. A care giver may have harshly reprimanded them for expressing their needs. They may have been humiliated at school for speaking up.
These are common examples of childhood trauma that some adults still carry around and replay internally. The painful memories of their attempts of self-expression are too distressing. So by the time these children become adults they are shut down and do not have the ability or confidence to verbalize how they really feel.
Too many children were raised in families where communication was non-existent, or violent and abusive. They lack role models who exemplified loving communication and true expression of their individuality. They were not shown patience or encouragement. Some children witnessed emotional abuse which even as adults, they still are unable to recognize. So they repeat a pattern of suppression, suppression and denial.
Do you possibly remember when you were a child and you were scared to go to school and unable to express to your mother how you felt so you developed a stomach ache? If the stomach ache got serious enough your mum would be very worried and you would stay home. She would fuss over you, make you special soup and you got to stay in bed all day watching your favorite cartoon.This is a good example of how we may unconsciously associate sickness with a positive reward.
As an adult you may be in a relationship where the communication between you and your partner is poor and you feel deprived emotionally or physically. You are unable to express your needs and feel angry at the lack of attention you are receiving. If you develop an illness your partner will suddenly care for you, give you the attention you craved and your illness creates an opportunity for your partner to show his care for you. For your price of physical suffering you get the emotional and physical requirement you craved.
There are many other examples of how the payoffs for being sick can make healing impossible. Some people can feel a sense of specialness and cling defensively to being labeled as having a particular illness.
They may have had this illness for a long time and it's now created a firm identity, a point of every conversation, a sense of exclusivity. They may even have formed wonderful friendships by attending support groups where they bonded with like-minded others and received the empathy that they dreaded craved.
Without this identity they would lose their sense of established self-worth. Their whole personality, every interaction, and reason to socialize is dependent on this identity they have claimed as 'theirs'.
So by clinging to their identity with this illness, even tho it may be physically painful, emotionally it could be nurturing and create a sense of belonging that they would not feel otherwise.
Some people create illness to punish their loved one. This can occur when one partner has been unfaithful and the other is unable to express their anger, rage, sense of betrayal and broken heartedness. So their suppressed emotions are expressed as physical pain.The payoff of seeing their partner being very concerned is reassurance that they are really sorry and still really care about them.
Other payoffs of illness could include special considerations at work or a good reason for quitting a job that was unbearable. It's socially more acceptable to politically state a justifiable reason such as an illness to quit rather than express genuine negative feelings as the real reason.
Unfortunately some people with extremely low self-esteem are really unable to express honestly how they really feel and what they really need to be able to heal. The pain of honest conversation is too great, and out of fear they settle for tolerating physical symptoms.
Most people are not ready to take full self-responsibility because it's just easier to blame and continue being a victim. Taking full responsibility would mean making drastic changes and for most of us, the fear of change is too great.
Some people feel that they have justified reasons to suffer because illness creates an opportunity for others to listen intentionally and for them to tell their story again and again. This, in an odd way can be perceived as healing for them. This is how they get recognition, compassion and are able to express their negative emotions verbally.
Emotions are 'energy-in-motion'. Thus emotions are meant to move through us and not remain stuck, unexpressed. For this is a recipe for illness. We are not meant to stay wounded. Emotions are indicators which are meant to guide us.
The mind-body connection is undeniable. Science can now prove that our thoughts and emotions create a biochemistry in our body that either creates health or illness.
Some common links include, back issues representing not being supported in life. For some people having a long-standing back issue will attract support from their partner or family.
Breast cysts and lumps represent an a refusal to nourish the Self, putting everyone else else needs first, and over mothering. A woman not having the self-confidence to ask for nourishment herself or feeling unworthy of accepting care can create physical issues within the breasts. Thus she will have to nurture herself to get ease of her breast discomfort.
Ear issues represent an ability to hear or not wanting to hear something. Going deaf can seem like an acceptable payoff for someone tolerating a long-term verbally abusive relationship and not having the courage to speak up.
It becomes evident that the body is an instrument through which our souls speaks. We can either choose to verbally express our emotions or our body will speak for us eventually.
For some people the unrecognized or denied payoffs for illness are a greater reward than healing itself.
The ability to heal relatives solely on the courage to speak our truth, first to ourselves and then to others. It requires a scrupulous and disciplined self honesty. They say awareness is the first step towards creating change.
Being aware that there possibly may be some benefit to an illness we have or someone else has, is an enlightening perspective to entertain.
If we can recognize that every illness is an opportunity to learn it then becomes easier to not be attached to an income we may view as successful. We can gain unclouded insight and offer no judgment.
Sometimes in our preventing and acceptance of what is that we create a safe space for healing to occur.